Irish Water To Receive Bonuses For Shiny Shannon-Dublin Water Pump Graphic


DILIGENT And dedicated Irish Water workers are set for bonuses after successfully putting together a graphic showing a potential water pump from the Shannon linking to Dublin, adding to recent bonuses paid to staff in March averaging €5,000 each.

The graphic, which is full of graphics, shows how Ireland could connect its Shannon water supply to Dublin and parts of Leinster after a cost of €1.3 billion, and thanks to predetermined bonuses the graphic has triggered fresh bonuses for senior staff.

“The horrid semi-state bonus culture is a thing of the past which is why we set incredibly hard targets for senior employees to meet, such as the burden of having to come up with a quick Photoshop or Powerpoint job,” explained one government spokesperson, of the graphic which took Irish Water two minutes tops to come up with.

Fears that bloated bonuses triggered by easy targets being met by staff has been dispelled by the CER, regulator of Irish Water, which itself recently received €230,000 in bonuses.

“Jesus, did you not see the graphic, it was only lovely. Full of water, all of it Irish I might add, your heart swells with pride,” said a spokesperson for CER of Irish Water, which stopped collecting payments from the public over a year ago.

A further bonus was just triggered in the last few minutes after it turns out the original graphic was printed with that fancy paper that has a glossy finish. Sadly, the truly mesmeric graphic didn’t trigger the all important ‘government photo opportunity’ bonus, as the water pump was not deemed exciting enough to warrant the Taoiseach posing alongside it.