5 Myths About Culchies


DESPITE the relatively small size of the island of Ireland people from different backgrounds encounter prejudice and stereotyping every day, which is only made possible by the ignorance of others.

WWN, in an attempt to bring fancy cappuccino drinking pricks from urban areas like the entirety of Dublin closer to their country, culchie cousins, we are here to dispel some of the most common myths about people who live in the rural areas of not-Dublin.

1) They subside solely on a diet of bacon, cabbage and bottles of Cadet orange.

Lazy, lazy stereotyping which attempts to cast culchies as some simple minded fools. Where do we begin with this one? Culchies are just as capable at munching on some quinoa salads and losing their shit over avocados just like you city dwellers.

Of course, culchies differ slightly in that on the night of every full moon they must consume one bale of hay each, ingesting it via their nostrils or face turning into the mythical half cow, half wolf beast known as the Were-cow. But, other than that, so, so, very similar.

2) Drink driving is their national sport

Nice one dickhead, but culchies don’t have ‘a national sport’, only nations have national sports so it’s more accurate to say all of us in Ireland, thanks to our chronic abuse of alcohol and a lackadaisical attitude to driving laws, have made drink-driving our national sport. And it just goes to show how ignorant you are about culchies that you think they only drive dangerously when drunk. Educate yourself.

3) They’re all married to their cousins

Wow, what an original burn there you town-dwelling ignoramus. It’s ridiculous to assert that people from rural Ireland are all married to their cousins, none more so than when you accuse them of being sheep shaggers.

Getting married to your cousin is actually more prominent in urban areas such as Dublin or Cork, due to the influx of fancy arty French movies which are all about incest, which melted the urbanites brains and turned them into deviants.

4) It’s all ‘farming, farming, farming’

Yes, rural Ireland is just one big farm. Well done. There’s so much more to rural Ireland’s economy, and culchies hold positions other than ‘farmer’. Suppose you think there are no doctors, accountants, teachers, solicitors and nurses in rural Ireland then? Well, you’re wrong, they get seasonal work on farms during the summer.

5) Obsessed with country music

We understand you want to trade in obsolete stereotypes because that’s easier than actually learning about rural life. But, far from the plain strains of the country guitar, there is a lively country hip hop scene dubbed culch-hop. And more impressive still that current rural rap beefs have resulted in 203 caps being popped in asses so far this year.