Fears Grow Women May Never Return To Kitchen


CONCERN is mounting among Irish men that the day when women were quiet, contented and never far from an oven may never return, following a tumultuous week of protest and solidarity on streets and on social media.

Across the country, huge numbers of women and supporters came out over the weekend to voice their anger with the result of the recent Belfast rape trial, which came as a shock to large numbers of men who had hoped that women would just accept the verdict and move on.

The same desire for women to ‘be content with their lot’ is also eroding thanks to the growing calls for the legalisation of abortion in Ireland, and rallies expected to number in the tens of thousands due to hit Irish streets over the coming months.

As such, the Irish Society for the Appeasement of Women Until They Be Nice And Quiet (ISAWUTBNQ) has voiced concerns that rather than shush themselves and look pretty, women are only going to get angrier and more vocal over the next few years.

“Why can’t they be good little girls like we’re used to?” sighed a spokesman for the ISAWUTBNQ.

“Every week, there’s a new hashtag calling women to rally together for something or other. From ‘together for yes’ to ‘sue me Paddy’… what’s next? Will they be taking to the streets for equal pay? An end to rape culture? Proper restitution for years of being treated as second class? Where does it all end? Why can they not hear us when we tell them to stop being so loud? Honestly, we’ve tried every vulgar slur we know, and still they keep going”.

Irish women were unavailable for comment on the matter, as they ‘have shit to do that has been put off for too long’.