Idiot Proof Guide To Ireland For British Politicians


IN A BID to help British politicians who continually flounder in their attempts to gain a grasp on Ireland, as well as its border with Northern Ireland, WWN has created an idiot proof guide to Ireland to help politicians from across the water

Ireland is a sovereign nation

Tricky one to comprehend but don’t worry you’ll get used to it.

Ireland is not part of England, the UK or Britain.

Again, it can be tough letting go of some cherished thoughts but when they are not in any way factually correct, it’s best to pay attention, learn and move on.

It’s going to take a little more than learning how to correctly pronounce ‘Taoiseach’ to fool us

We know, we know. You tried really hard to nail that pronunciation. You even called in that one Irish staff member who works for you to go over it with you, but it turns out they’re a non-Irish speaking Protestant from Northern Ireland so all you did was insult them really. Now, read the first two points again, because we know it hasn’t sunk it yet. It’s not a subjective thing.

That person you are currently claiming is British, they could very well be Irish

Are you, like your your fellow MPs, MEPs or Lords, woefully out of touch with the British public. Do you have no insight into cultural pursuits and the myriad disciplines contained within it? But you want to appear almost human just like your electorate? Before praising Colin Farrell’s latest performance in a movie, it is advised to just double check where they are from by paying a visit to Wikipedia. Speaking of which…

Google the Famine, we’ll wait

Yeah, funny that, not some made up nonsense it turns out.

The opposite of whatever Boris Johnson has just said is likely to be the truth

Has the daft, entitled embarrassment you call your foreign secretary asserted some point, stance, factoid and/or aside regarding Ireland? Turns out whatever he said is complete and utter bullshit founded entirely on the belief that because he speaks with a certain accent, what he says carries weight.

Our politicians are equally inept in almost every way except in one area

Don’t get us started on our lot, Christ, they’d make you despair. However, turns out, they read the Good Friday Agreement and to top it all off they know the rules regarding the negotiations for Britain’s exit from the EU.

Northern Ireland

That’s a whole other story but since it is part of the UK, we’ll mistakenly give you the benefit of the doubt and presume you know that.