Hairdresser Really Couldn’t Give A Fuck What You’re Doing At Weekend


WATERFORD stylist Emma Reilly has today exhaustively broken down mid-highlights, admitting to the woman who’s hair she was working on that she really doesn’t want any details about where she’s going to on holidays or if she has any plans for the weekend, and that she can no longer keep up this small-talk charade for another second.

Reilly, 28, has listened patiently to the witless drivel of thousands of customers at Patrick Michael hair salon, Waterford, for the past 9 years as an apprentice stylist and then as a fully qualified hair technician.

Although asking ‘so anything nice planned for the weekend?’ Has been part of her training from day one, Reilly finally cracked during a session with a woman who took her harmless question quite literally, and proceeded to narrate in extreme detail every facet of a planned weekend away with her friends, causing Reilly to stop her after 20 minutes and ask her to please be quiet, pay, then fuck off.

“Enough is fucking enough,” said Reilly, basking in the glory of workplace silence for the first time in almost a decade.

“I’m not a therapist, I’m not a taxi driver. If you’re in my chair, you’re here to get a wash, a cut, or a colour, not to wear the ears off me with your plans for a ‘mad one with the girlos’. Let’s just get through this quietly, please. You don’t go to Spar and chat to the woman that makes your chicken fillet rolls, do you?”.

Reilly has since garnered a name for herself as ‘the hairdresser you don’t have to talk to’, causing demand for an appointment with her to soar by 170%.