INDIVIDUALS looking to enter the rental market and subsequently flail about in it helplessly have been urged by banks to seek out a mortgage in a bid to just about afford rent in Dublin, WWN can confirms.
Soaring rent levels, which show no signs of abating have been labelled ‘not true’ in recent days by the people tasked with formulating government policy that is in the interest of anyone but the average voter, prompting heroic banks to extend their mortgage offerings to home renters as well as home buyers.
“Can’t afford rent in the areas you’d like to live, areas such as ‘Ireland’? Well then, why not apply for a mortgage with us,” a spokesperson for the Down To Earth, We’re Just Like You Association of Banks (DTEWJLYAB).
The fixed term 30-year mortgages will ideally allow renters to pay off their first month’s rent in easily affordable monthly repayments while also silencing unhelpful moaners who think that we might have a housing and property crisis.
“Don’t mind all that talk, you just want to live somewhere right? Don’t trouble yourself with all that noise, just sign here,” a DTEWJLYAB spokesperson added, while covering the small print and continuing to repeat a recycled sales pitch normally reserved for decent citizens who actually buy a house.
Pressed for comment on the troubling news that renting in Ireland is so expensive in parts of the country that mortgages will be needed to cover rent, the government blasting any and all rash and irresponsible practices.
“Buy house. Buy house. Buy house. Buy house. No complain. Buy house. Buy house,” the government said while shuffling along in a single file while drooling.
Those individuals refusing to consider the mortgage option for rent have been told there’s plenty of places available at a decent price before being shown pictures of a one foot by one foot dungeon shared by 47 Brazilian students and a growing family of rats.