3 Beauty Tips For That Friend Who Doesn’t Need Them Because The Bitch Won The Genetic Lottery


EVERYWHERE you look there seems to endless offerings of helpful tips, tricks and tutorials when it comes to amazing beauty tips for the average woman.

But what about beauty advice for your flawless friend who won the genetic fucking lottery and just parades around the place looking like a long lost Hadid sister while you look like a 12-day-old breakfast roll after it’s been repeatedly driven over by a truck?

For the first time ever WWN Beauty in conjunction with our besties, the marvellous gals over at Gash, have put together some advice for your friend:

1) Don’t sully your precious, glowing face with any cosmetic products because, I mean, just fucking look at you, you lucky bitch

That’s right, she’s so beautiful and her skin is so soft and free of any blemishes to even dare to place a make up wipe or moisturiser on that visage would be like trying to hug a balloon when you’re made entirely of broken glass. Do not disrupt that delicately poised ecosystem that is her flawless fucking face. Whatever revitalising properties are contained in cleansing wipes, they run too high a risk of interfering with your friend’s 1-in-a-billion genes, the bitch.

2) Save all that money you don’t need to spend on makeup because fuck’s sake, how do you naturally have those cheek bones, full plump lips AND smokey eyes?

Who the fuck has the smokey eyes look without actually putting on any fucking make up. They should be studied for science, or maybe there could be some pioneering surgery where they take her face off and put it on your face. Like the film Face Off but not creepy in any way obviously, you just want to wear her face. Forever.

Anyway, tell her to buy a car, a house or a small island or something with all that money she doesn’t need to spend disguising what she actually looks like. She only bought make up to fit in anyway, never uses the stuff.

3) Fuck off

No, seriously, she can fuck off. It’s not fair.