“Back In My Day, Dick Pics Looked Like This: B===D”


WOMEN of all ages who have received unsolicited and unwanted pictures of a strangers penis have gathered together in the National Gallery for the launch of an art installation titled ‘Dicks In Pics”, which features penile imagery ranging from the latest high-definition iPhone images, to the earliest smiley-based cock shots from the dawn of mobile technology.

“This was sent to me by a man who just guessed my number, back when there was only 25 mobile phones in the country, ” said 67-year old Edna Costigan, pointing at a crude penis on the screen of an Eircell Minicall pager from 1992.

“As you can see, there were no phone cameras back then so what he’s done here is use a capital B for testicles, as many equals signs as he could fit in the 18 character limit, then a capital D to finish with the head of the penis. To this day, I have no idea who sent the image to me, other than the fact that it was a man with a penis who felt he needed to show it to me”.

The stunning gallery of genitals ranges from the crude hieroglyphic that Edna received over 25 years ago, through the first low-res, dimly-lit erections from the flip phone era, past the CharRoulette random cock phase, climaxing with the type of glossy throbbing hard-ons that are today part-and-parcel of what a woman can expect to see every time they open their mailboxes.

“What we have here is the penis of a man, maybe 40 years of age or so, ” said Concepta Garrison, curator of the Dicks In Pics exhibition, showing us a particularly veiny, fully erect phallus.

“This is typical of what a 14 year old girl might expect to receive on Snapchat, or what say, a female journalist might expect to get in her DM’s if she dares to criticise any aspect of the patriarchy. The dick pic is versatile like that- it can be used to try and entice girls and women into sexual activity of their own free will, but it can also be used to threaten sexual violence and intimidate women of all ages. It is this duality that has lead to the dick pic’s soar in popularity, from the humble emoticon all the way to what you see before you now”.

Dicks In Pics is expected to have a short run in the National Gallery, with most women stating that they ‘didn’t want to see strange dicks’ at any point in time.