Iarnród Éireann To Use ‘Low Rail Adhesion’ Excuse For Next 4 Months


THERE were huge smiles throughout Iarnród Éireann today, after senior management gave everyone the go-ahead to use the excuse of ‘low rail adhesion’ to cover any delays in service until February, possibly March.

Commuters who incur delays in their travel throughout the winter months are to be informed that the shoddy service is down to ‘low rail adhesion’, with ‘poor rail conditions’ thrown in for variety every now and then.

Iarnród Éireann are confident that the phrase ‘low rail adhesion’ is amorphous enough to seem plausible when a train trundles towards its destination over a half an hour later than it should, while carrying enough of a sense of danger to make commuters just put up with being late to work for the fifth day in a row, while possibly accepting it as an excuse for other aspects of the service as well.

“Toilets covered in shite? Low rail adhesion. Lifts not working? Low rail adhesion” said a spokesperson for the company.

“It’s just so easy to work in this industry in the winter, we can do whatever the fuck we want and just stick ‘low rail adhesion’ on the timetable board and people have to put up with it. It’s foolproof. Leaves on the line, isn’t it? Can’t have a train running on time when there’s leaves on the line, can we?”

Dublin Bus have admitted their jealousy of the excuse, and are working on creating a ‘poor road adhesion’ one for their own shortcomings.