Woman Enters 25th Year Of Pretending To Be A Lesbian


LOCAL woman Marie Finlan is reported to be sticking with her pretense of being a lesbian after a quarter of a century, according to sources in her small, rural hometown.

Having initiated her ‘lesbian phase’ in the early nineties after returning from trying to be cool while attending college in Dublin, Waterford local Finlan was expected to ‘grow out of it’ after a few months and settle down with one of the lads she went to school with, maybe that Keegan lad she went to her debs with.

Despite the locals of Kilmacshanough letting Ms. Finlan know that she was ‘impressing nobody’, the now 47-year-old persisted in keeping up the illusion that she preferred women to men, including going so far as to get married to her long-term partner last summer.

“Her parents are dead, so it’s not like she’s still a lesbian to get back at them,” mused one local, devoid of anything better to talk about or do.

“I think it was that time she spent up in Dublin that did it, put a load of aul nonsense in her head. Probably on drugs up there, put her mad in the head for a while. But it’s 25 years since then, we all thought she’d have given up all that lesbianing by now, and we’re all wondering what the fuck she’s playing at, to be honest”.

UPDATE: The residents of Kilmacshanough remain convinced that Ms. Finlan will ‘snap out of it’ when she meets ‘the right fella’.