5 Things Millennials Killed Off
TAKE A look around you today, and you’re going to see a world that you barely recognise from the one you grew up in- and it’s all thanks to pesky millennials.
From killing off Xtra-Vision with their downloading and streaming, to wrecking the rental market with their insistence on paying huge sums of money for tiny flats, here’s 5 things that millennials have killed off in Ireland.
1) The Punt
The euro arrived in Ireland right as millennials were hitting first class in school, heralding an era where everything cost more, and everyone got a lot less for their money. Millennials were the first people to receive their Communion money, their Confirmation money, and their 21st birthday money in a currency that wasn’t the punt. Is this why we owe so much to the ECB? Of course it is!
2) The roads
Everywhere you go, you see millennials on their trendy bikes and their scooters and their fucking pogo sticks or whatever… meanwhile, our roads are in a constant state of disrepair, with widespread traffic chaos throughout our cities. These blimmin’ kids were too busy cycling to bother about actually building roads for everyone else. Pricks.
Libya wasn’t perfect under Gadaffi, but look at the shit-show it is now. And then you had the Arab spring, disruption in Egypt, the Syrian crisis that threatens to erupt into a full-blown world war at any minute… and who is at the back of it all? That 21-year-old kid with a haircut that cost more than his shoes. Think of someone other than yourself, asshole.
Where is friends these days? We loved that show. 10 straight seasons of brilliance and then nothing. Gone, never coming back. Stupid millennials, were you too cool for Friends? David Schwimmer is starving to death, dickheads.
5) Homeless people
One by one, millennials come out at night to kill off homeless people, and disguise their actions as hypothermia or malnutrition or whatever. Homeless people would be fine on the streets if it wasn’t for these damn hipsters. But of course, nobody blames the little snowflake millennials for any of this, oh no. Wouldn’t do if we hurt their feeling’s now, would it. Go stick an avacado up your hole and get a job you god damn moochers.