Women Urged To Relax, Enjoy Their Second-Class Lives


FOLLOWING protests, demonstrations, anger, strife and general malcontent carried out by successive generations, women around the world are to be sat down and pleaded with to just finally accept their lot, and stop making such a fuss about it.

With issues ranging from gender-based pay inequality, bodily autonomy, discrimination and sexual harassment all proving to be insurmountable obstacles for women, the little ladies will be urged to just ‘go with the flow’ and make life easier for everyone.

Given the unattainable nature of demands issued by women seeking to be granted the same rights as the male half of the population, men around the world will take a day next week to sit their womenfolk down and explain that they’d be ‘much happier’ if they just accepted their lower pay and lack of basic human rights, and just took casual everyday sexual harassment as the compliment it’s intended to be and stopped making such a big deal about everything.

“Look, nobody wins in a fight,” said a spokesperson for the patriarchy, while denying that any such patriarchy exists.

“Women, you’re just working yourself up all the time, that can’t be fun. Wouldn’t it be much easier if you just went along with it? Think about it. No more weekends out marching in the freezing cold, no more arguing with egg-profiles on Twitter, no more vigils, no more hassle. Just accept your second-class lives with a smile and a wink”.

In a further sweetener to the deal, women were assured that they ‘look prettier when they’re not angry’, and that nobody marries a complainer.