AT LAST! Ireland Finally Finds Tenuous Link To Famous American Person


WELL, we’ve finally cracked it after years of trying. The little nation of Ireland has deployed every ounce of ‘can-do’ it has and traced a link from an Irish peasant to a famous American person like the ones you hear about on the glowing magic electrical mirror in your sitting room.

“It’s everything we could have hoped for, and more,” said a researcher at the Irish Genealogy Association (IGA), pouring a bottle of champagne over himself.

“Finally, finally we as a nation can stand tall and say ‘look, see that famous person? They have roots. Discreet, well-hidden roots that if you follow them closely enough, will lead you all the way back to Ireland… miserable, hole-sore little Ireland itself’. COYBIG! COY-fucking-BIG!”

The search to find a famous American with links to Ireland has spanned generations, fed by the Irish need to be relevant, someway, somehow.

With a link now forged, albeit a tenuous one that requires several leaps of faith along they way, plans are already being put into place to bring this American to Ireland so they can tell us we’re good.

“Imagine we could get a picture of them drinking a Guinness,” said an IGA spokesperson, coming at the thought of it.

“A famous person. From America. Drinking a pint of Guiness in Ireland… I mean, can you imagine what that would do for us as a nation? It’d be all our miserable, downtrodden dreams come true”.

The famous person has yet to respond to the announcement of the link, but they will, surely.

Why wouldn’t they, like?

They have to, surely?

Any minute now.