Donald Trump Tells Fellow Patients He Is Definitely President Of America

DRESSED in a backless hospital gown that exposed his buttocks, self-confessed President of America Donald Trump regaled fellow patients of an upstate New York mental institution with tales of pending policy decisions and obstinate ‘losers’ who were blocking the country’s progress.

“This is what is wrong with America. The president shouldn’t be banned for banning Muslims. Sad,” Trump typed manically into a bar of soap he believed to an unsecured Android device which allowed him to communicate with the public via Twitter.

“Shut up! I am the President, don’t listen to the lying news,” Trump, a bankrupt former billionaire who has struggled greatly with reality in recent months, shouted at fellow patients who gently mocked his most cherished delusion; that of being the most powerful man in the world.

Rushing into the room, nurses took steps to calm the one time celebrity down while asking other patients not to upset and rile Trump, a man who doctors in the facility have diagnosed with an all encompassing narcissism which has rendered normal life impossible for him.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up, you’re disgusting losers, I am so the President,” Trump continued to roar as he slowly backed himself into the corner of what he believed to be the Oval Office.

“It’s a square room Donny, four walls. The Oval Office is well, oval, duh,” shared one mischievous patient who only exacerbated Trump’s continued agitation.

Now hunched in the corner batting away nurses, Trump whispered ‘the biggest crowds, really, the biggest’ over and over again while rocking back and forth.