3 Things Gerry Adams Clearly Remembers

HITTING back at constant accusations of deliberately covering up the true extent of his involvement in the armed Republican movement over the past 40 years and his seemingly selective memory when it comes to what he knows about the IRA, Gerry Adams has spoken exclusively to WWN and laid out details of 3 moments in his life that he remembers in every minute detail.

1) The 30-yard scorcher he scored playing indoor soccer in 1974

“I was interned in the ‘kesh on some bullshit charge, and we’d get the odd bout of indoor soccer now and then. 5-on-5, I was no striker but the ball broke for me around the midfield line and I fucking laced that thing into the bottom left corner. I buried that thing like we buried… oops, I mean I scored a goal. A very good one”.

2) Going to see Jurassic Park for the first time

“I’ll never forget seeing those dinosaurs on the screen for the first time, especially them wee velociraptor boyos, hunting the kids in the kitchen. They reminded me of the way that Loyalists would torment Catholic families in Belfast and Derry in the 70s and 80s. I remember thinking, whatever happens to them fuckers, they had it coming. The velociraptors, of course. Not the huns”.

3) Staying up late to watch Michelle Smith win a gold medal

“That was a great achievement to witness, Michelle Smith winning gold for Ireland. I had to get up at four in the fucking morning to see it, too. Then of course, you found out she was lying the whole time… I wanted to believe her, because she had done so much for Ireland. But in the end, she had a chance to do the right thing and she didn’t. Bitch”.