Seven Things You Can Do To Help Aleppo

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A BITTER civil war rages on with no end in sight. Conflicting accounts of the horrors endured by innocent civilians on the ground. Harrowing, first hand accounts of a litany of barbarous acts carried out on men, women and children.

These visceral and heart wrenching things may have lead you to think to yourself ‘what the fuck can I do?’ If you are at a loss as how to effect positive change, WWN is on hand to help:

1) Are you the president of the United States of America?

If you are indeed Barack Obama, you’re in luck because there is so much opportunity to do some good. It might be an idea to cease the arming of Jabhat al-Nusra, who also go by the name of Al Qaeda. Remember them? They brought down the twin towers, the pricks.

It would be an idea to stop arming the Saudi government, which is currently bombing innocent people in Yemen, who are on the verge of experiencing a catastrophic famine. You could also make room in your bin for that Nobel Peace Prize.

2) Are you Vladimir Putin?

You can see your local GP and get to the bottom of your Angry Small Man Syndrome. In the meantime, experts can confirm that your penis could look decidedly larger than it is by putting it under a microscope. Once you’ve done that, maybe stop enabling mass murder.

3) Are you Boris Johnson?

If you are Boris Johnson you will know you spent yesterday evening on the piss at some Christmas party. You’d do well to spend the day looking in the mirror.

4) Are you the media?

Are you a journalist? Ah, brilliant. You can help everyone understand that Syria is not presented in black and white, it is a complex situation. You could explain how there is no clear and cohesive rebel army opposing Assad involved in this conflict. It is in fact a vast array of opposing forces who have come together to fight the callous leader. But, just to ease you in, you could start by asking difficult questions of politicians. Any and all of them.

5) Are you Bashar al Assad?

You can fuck off.

6) Are you a historian?

Great, you’ve your work cut out for you. Gather and collate as much information as possible as the next generation’s history books will need to be crammed full of compelling and reputation-saving arguments for why the world let this happen. We need you to explain it to our children, because that’s an awkward conversation none of us want to have.

7) Are you… you?

Sadly, it’s likely you will descend deeper into an unforgiving pattern of being ground down by the endless parade of horror, violence and murder until such a point that you just can’t bring yourself to click that link, turn that page, share that outrage because it can reduce you to tears and stop you in your tracks. Or you could click HERE.

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