Twitter War With China Preferable To Actual War With China, Say Trump Advisors


“LOOK, you can either have the leader of the free world launching barbed jabs in 140-character chunks via a social media platform, or you can have the leader of the free world launching air strikes against one of the only countries in the world with the firepower to fight back. Which would you prefer?” asked Michael Jaumann, senior advisor to president-elect Donald Trump in an exclusive interview with WWN.

“We’ve done our best to keep Trump off Twitter, but d’you know what, it’s harmless enough when you consider the alternative”.

Jaumann explained to us that he was as shocked as anyone to log onto his Twitter account at the weekend only to be greeted with a series of tweets from Trump which rocked US-Taiwan relations as well as throwing diplomatic ties with China under the bus.

However, the irrational online behaviour of the president-elect is preferable to what might happen when Trump realises that he has an army at his disposal, sighed Jaumann, who didn’t sign up for this shit.

“Have you ever been insulted on Twitter or in a comments section or whatever, and said to yourself ‘boy I’d love to go round to that guy’s house and kick his ass’?” asked the stressed-out White House advisor.

“Well, imagine that you could launch a nuclear strike against that person, from your desk. Not only that, you had the full support of millions of people to do so. Well, that’s what we don’t want Donald to realise. And if that means letting him run his mouth on Twitter, well, it’s a small price to pay. But I really do wish he would take a fucking break now and again”.