Gardaí Strike Negotiations Get Off To Bad Start As Government Made ‘Oink Oink’ Noises
NEWS emanating from inside the Labour Courts today suggest that the government’s bid to seek a compromise with the AGSI and GRA has not gone as well as hoped.
In an attempt to show how much the country’s police force was valued by the current cabinet, the government arrived at the court with a brown envelope containing within it what was believed to be as much as 3 euro in unmarked one cent coins.
However, ungrateful gardaí made astonishing claims that the police force needed huge overhaul and investment as well as pay increases, a scurrilous claim which seemed to enrage the minister for justice and others in attendance.
“We can’t be sure who made the first ‘oink oink’ noise,” confirmed anonymous sources inside the courts, “but I think what really got to the gardaí was how convincing the pig noises sounded, it really threw them off their negotiating game, I think one poor lad cried, but that might be because he’s broke and over worked”.
It is believed one garda representative was in the middle of pointing out that over 100 garda stations do not have access to the Pulse System and when you think about it, the government ‘has made the force a laughing stock fit for ridicule around the world’.
“When one of the oinks sort of began descending into a straight up squeal we knew we were off to an awful start altogether,” shared the source, while burying his head in his hands.
The only official statement from the government at this point has been a ‘I love the Guards’ picture posted on Fine Gael’s Facebook page.
UPDATED: the parties remain some distance away from agreement, but the gardaí have agreed to make their own siren noises for police cars in lieu of money being made available to replace redundant and broken equipment.