Cher Finally Cracks Time Travel


AFTER over 27 years of research into quantum mechanics and temporal displacement technology, pop icon Cher has finally found a way to turn back time, WWN can exclusively reveal.

Cher, mostly aged 70, made the stunning announcement at a press conference held outside her particle physics collider facility in Miami, while on a break from her busy schedule of Las Vegas residency shows and Einstein-Rosen bridge construction.

The legendary singer announced that as of 3:47am eastern time, the barrier separating humankind from the ability to journey backwards through the clouds of time, to meddle with the past and perhaps find a way to take back terrible things said to a loved one in a moment of anger, undoing any pain and hurt caused in the process.

“It’s time travel, baby, please listen,” said Cher, surrounded by a complex network of computers and shit.

“I’m going to be the first, baby, to travel through time, baby, please listen. Ever since the late 80s, baby, I’ve been wanting to turn back the clock, and after all these years, baby, you have to listen, I’ve found the key to stepping into a vortex travelling at greater than the speed of light, vanishing in front of your eyes but reappearing instantaneously at a pre-determined point in the pa-ah-ast”.

The singer gave a quick rendition of the Shoop Shoop Song and then dematerialised.