Old Fuck Of A Neighbour Buys Nuts For Trick Or Treaters


AN ELDERLY member of a local Waterford community rose bright and early this morning to ensure he was able to bulk purchase nuts ahead of this evening’s trick or treating deluge.

71-year-old Maurice O’Boyle had been concerned that his local Super Valu may run out of nuts as other people, similarly evil, would seek to buy all the supplies of the non-sweets in a bid to frustrate and annoy young children.

“That’s what the fuckers get for ringing the doorbell, I love seeing all the hope and joy draining out of their faces, you can’t beat it,” a chirpy O’Boyle explained.

The pensioner first started the practice of being an old fuck who kids learn to hate as far back as 1985, but is not alone in his desire to ruin the evening for excitable youngsters.

“In some cases nuts and apples actually outsell sweets and chocolate,” explained local Super Valu manager Dave Tierney, “we tend to up the price of nuts by 400% during this period, but the older and more curmudgeonly the person is, the less they care about how much it costs them to really piss off trick or treaters,” Tierney shared.

O’Boyle has been placed on a local ‘annoying old fucker’ watchlist by local children, but as records have yet to be digitised and circulated online many children will still call to his door expecting a chomp bar or something, only to be disappointed.

Gardaí have warned local old fucks not to ask children for a ‘trick’ instead of a treat as this resulted in children stabbing and murdering as many as 40 adults last year.