Russia To Prop Vladimir Nikitin Up With A Stick For Next Bout
DESPITE being in no fit state to compete after his absolute pummelling and subsequent unanimous victory over Michael Conlon at the Olympics, Vladimir Nitkin is to continue his bid for gold with the help of a special harness that will hold him up while he competes.
Nitkin was to face Shakur Stevenson from the USA in the next round of the bantamweight division, when rumours emerged that he had to concede due to having received such a woegious hammering at the hands of Ireland’s Michael Conlon.
However, it emerged today that the International Olympic Council is to allow the Russian boxing team to prop Nitkin up like a scarecrow for the bout, with the help of sticks and some twine.
“Tie first ropes around hands and then tie to sticks, he be fine,” said a spokesperson for the Russian Olympic team.
“Vladimir is looking forward to compete in contest. We ask nurse if he ok, and she say he respond very well with raise of eyebrow. He will make Russia very proud, and help our team to be best in Olympics of all time”.
Despite the unconventional methods involved, Nitkin looks set to be victorious in his quest for gold, with many of the judges already filling out their scorecards in his favour.