Government Set To Unveil Plan To End Gangland Feud Any Day Now


THE GOVERNMENT has confirmed that a plan bringing an end to the ever worsening gangland feud is due any day now, WWN can reveal.

“Yeah, oh we’ve got one alright. I know we said this before, like 50 times, but it’s just so good we’re afraid to share it with the public as it might blow their minds, we’re sure you understand,” an ashen faced Taoiseach shared with reporters.

Responding to the death of an Irishman abroad, the latest of many innocent victims caught in the crossfire, the government stressed that the plan, which has been due every week for the last 20 years, was definitely imminent.

“A plan would be a solution to a problem and we’re in no doubt about that,” the Taoiseach said, obviously stalling for time in the hope the Minister for Justice had something up her sleeve.

A special unit tasked with tackling to bloody feud was announced with much fanfare in February of this year, but some 6 months later the unit has not come to fruition, with many Gardaí vocalising their frustrations.

“Shit, I was afraid you were going to bring that up,” Minister for Justice Frances Fitzgerald shared with WWN. “We’re good at announcing things, I’d even go as far as to say we’re excellent at it. But we’re rubbish at all that annoying stuff that comes afterwards like actually enacting a plan”.

While the government assured the public once again the solution to the bloody feud was on its way, it conceded that it would probably be delayed directly after another big announcement in front of the media.