Waterford Mother Doesn’t Like New Parish Priest

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A NEWLY appointed parish priest has come under fire following a poor performance at 10 o’clock mass this morning.

Fr. Cathal Baker, who seems very young to be a priest, took over the diocese in March from his predecessor Fr. Maher, but has already been lambasted for his cheery attitude towards the Catholic faith.

“He’s too chirpy for my liking,” local worshiper Cathy Power told WWN. “He rattles off the psalms like they were rap songs. It’s like he’s not interested in the readings and keeps talking in his own words. Sure, anyone could stand up and do that”.

“He’s very, awfully, terribly young looking. I’d say you’d fit on a stamp what he knows about life,” confirmed Mrs. Power, “I’d say he wasn’t even a twinkle in his mother’s eye when the Pope visited in 1979, says it all really”.

This morning’s mass was also timed at 34 minutes, an 11 minute edit on Fr. Maher’s usual services.

“Eleven minutes of not being saved is eleven cent less they’ll be getting from me in donations,” Mrs. Power added, visibly upset with the lack of prayer. “He even asked the congregation to stop double parking outside the church! Fr. Maher would never have done that. Everyone knows worshipers can park wherever they please without being fined. It’s God’s way”.

It is understood that Fr. Power also requested “alcohol free wine” upon his arrival to the church, putting doubts in the virility of his position of Parish Priest.

“How can you trust a priest that doesn’t even drink the blood of Christ?” the 88-year-old concluded. “Next he’ll be buttering the body of Christ because it’s too dry”.

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