Nobody Shot In Dublin Today [UPDATED]

FOLLOWING months of gangland violence that has produced an ever-heightening pile of bodies, WWN can report that nobody has been shot in Dublin today.

The whole day passed without incident, fostering a feeling that the guards were in control of the situation, and that human life still had value in the city.

With no bullets entering people today, citizens of our capital city were able to go about their daily business without fear of being caught in the crossfire of a shooting incident, with many reporting that they really felt like maybe criminal gangs weren’t in full control of the city, acting with impunity.

No news broadcasts spoke of “victims being known to Gardaí”, nobody lost a loved one, and nobody didn’t get to go home.

Ongoing feuds between criminal empires seemed to be put on hiatus, and Garda officials were reported to be delighted with the fact that nobody died in broad daylight, and they didn’t have to pretend that they had even the first clue about how to stop it.

For the first time in what feels like forever, Dublin seemed like a safe place to live.

[UPDATE: scratch all that]