Micheál Martin Worried That Nation Actually Thinks He Should Be Taoiseach


FIANNA Fáil leader Micheál has expressed publicly for the first time his shock and horror at the news that more members of the public want him as Taoiseach than want Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny.

“This is getting out of hand, I just wanted to give the look of someone who wanted the job, but Christ, have you seen the state of our finances? I’m not touching that job with a barge pole of any length, I just wanted it to appear like I did,” Martin told reporters after learning he was the preferred choice for Taoiseach as possible coalition negotiations drag on.

Pressed further on whether or not he would take up the position, Martin was concise and clear.

“Woah, woah, woah, at what point did I give you the impression I’d be ready for this shit? I just wanted a TDs salary and that sweet sweet leaders allowance cash. All of the dough and none of the stress,” Martin added, as rumours of text exchanges with current Taoiseach Kenny rumble on.

A huge stumbling block to the formation of any cohesive coalition government remains Kenny’s use of an ambiguous smiley face emoji during communications with Martion.

“This is why I hate Whatsapp, it’s a tongue out smiley face, so when Enda says ‘but maybe u’ll b T-shock nxt’ I thought it was sarcastic, not that he was willing to give me the job,” a clearly worried and frustrated Martin added.

Martin then urged the public to look at his track record before thinking seriously about endorsing him for Taoiseach.