WWN Guide To Being Hungover At Work

CHRIST.

We may have overdone it last night, having forgotten that we were still supposed to be at work this morning. In a cruel twist, we had pitched a “WWN Guide To Being Hungover At Work” article, and our editor is screaming for it. So let’s just get some tea into ourselves and try get through this as best we can.

1) Try to appear not hungover.

There’s probably a better way to say “not hungover”, but it ain’t coming to us right now. Sober? No, sober is the opposite of drunk, not the opposite of hungover. Hangoverless? Look, whatever it is, try and do that. We just need a minute over here.

2) Just don’t.

We’ll make it to the end of this guide if it kills us, and right now it’s looking like it might. So while we’re writing, could you all just keep it down a bit. Seriously. We just spent 45 minutes on the toilet and now we’re hungover, AND cold.

3) How much more?

Sweet jesus, we’re only at point number three? Of how many? Five? Listen, can we not just do four. Please. We can manage four, but asking us to do five is just cruel. Can you not see the fucking state we’re in?

4) We’re never drinking again.

It’s just not worth it. Last night was great craic but right now we fell like a kicked bollock. Never again. Unless anyone wants to go for the cure after work? Because then we’re all up for it. The only way to cure today’s hangover is to get working on tomorrow’s one.

5) Finished

Thank Allah. There’s your guide, we hope you’re happy. Now just let us curl up over here and die in peace. Tell our families we love them. Do not resuscitate.