BBC Appeal To Catholic Church For Help

STILL reeling from revelations that decades of sexual abuse of young people was allowed to continue despite being reported to senior members, the BBC has reached out to top-ranking officials in the Vatican to see how they can manage the scandal.

A long-in-the-offing report by Dame Janet Smith reveals that while many were aware of the allegations against well-known BBC personalities such as Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris, a “culture of reverence and fear” meant that nothing was ever done to stop them.

The damning report suggests that many senior managers at the BBC were fully aware of Saville’s conduct dating back to the 1960s, but did nothing to stop their biggest star from continuing to molest and abuse up to 72 young men and women.

With no prior experience in covering or limiting the damage to their organisation by allegations of sex abuse, the BBC have turned to the global leaders in that field for advice.

“Yeah, we call this a level 3 cover-up situation,” said Archbishop Michael Hannitty, chief spokesperson for the Vatican’s legendary “Shush Squad”.

“Nothing that can’t be dealt with in a discreet and thorough manner. We get like, nine of these every year, and it’s just a fairly standard deny everything, blame it on the individual, refute all accusations scenario. Nothing to worry about, be covered up in a week or so”.

Hannitty went on to add that if the BBC follow the church’s cover-up guidelines to the letter, they’d probably be able to start showing re-runs of Jim’ll Fix It by the end of the year.