Kay Burley Gives Rousing Speech To Sky News Troops Ahead Of Syrian War

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SKY News lead anchor Kay Burley has addressed the entire Sky News team in a rousing call-to-action conference aimed at getting the best out of everyone during the coverage of any forthcoming wars in Syria.

Burley, a senior officer in the Sky News army, is known for her ruthless approach to reporting and delivered an emphatic speech which stirred the blood in reporters and staff, leaving them salivating for war.

Pacing in front of a huge Sky News banner, Burley spoke emphatically about the seemingly inevitable campaign, addressing both veterans of past wars, and rookies who have never been involved in reporting on an armed response by a global allied force against a Middle Eastern enemy before.

Burley’s entire speech is transcribed below;

“Be seated”.

“Now, I want you to remember that no media outlet ever covered a war by doing the right thing. They cover a war by letting every other poor dumb bastards do the right thing, while they made outrageous unverified claims and showed the same footage of an air strike every six minutes for a full day”.

“All this stuff you’ve heard about nobody, not wanting a war, is a lot of horse dung. Sky News, traditionally, loves a war. All journalists for hire love the easy headlines a war brings”.

When you were kids, you all admired the journalists who got right to the heart of a story, the guy who remained impartial, the one who only reported facts. Sky News does not tolerate this nonsense. Sky News plays to win all the time”.

“Now, I don’t give a hoot in hell for an innocent Syrian who lost everything they had in an air strike. That’s why Sky News has never lost a viewer and will never lose a viewer during a war. Because the very thought of missing out on human misery is hateful to Sky News”.

“A news agency is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This responsible commentary is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who write rationally for the respected news agencies don’t know anything more about real war reporting than they do about covering red-carpet fashion at the VMAs”.

“You know, by God, I actually pity those poor Syrian bastards we’re reporting. By God, I do. We’re not just going to film the bastards. We’re going to get up close and record their cries. We’re going to show you their devastated homes, the corpses of their kids, the shrapnel in their wounds. Then we’re going to remove ourselves to a safe distance while our government bombs them again”.

“Now, some of you new guys, I know, are wondering whether or not you’ll chicken-out while reporting. Maybe get cold feet when you see the misery on display in front of you. Don’t worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty once you see how much we pay you for a shot of a Syrian child wailing against the backdrop of a burning house. When your conscience kicks in and you think, ‘perhaps I should allow these people some dignity, given that it’s all they have left’, you should look to your right and see the rest of the Sky News team. You’ll know what to do”.

“Now, there’s one thing that you lot will be able to say when you get back home, and you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you, ‘What did you do during the conflict in Syria?’ — you won’t have to say, ‘Well, I reported on issues that could have helped mankind, instead of making huge sums of money by shilling war porn to an increasingly desensitised, bloodthirsty audience.'”

“Alright, now you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel. Oh, I will be proud to lead your feed into a live news report; anytime, anywhere!”

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