Woman On Diet Desperately Trying To Convince Herself Ryvita Is Tasty

A MOTHER of four claimed today that Ryvita flatbreads are actually tasty, despite making a face contrary to her claims.

Maggie Enright, who is currently on another diet, told her husband Mark that the flatbread was “just like eating normal bread”, without all those unwanted calories and flavours.

“They’re not bad now,” she was reported to have said, shortly before her face contorted into a look of disgust. “The low-fat cheese and tomato is only gorgeous with it Mark. I can’t believe I was eating that other crap for so long.”

With only 37 calories per slice, compared to 94 for a slice of regular bread, the delusional Mrs. Enright promised herself never to go back to sliced pans for the remainder of her time on earth, as it was packed full of harmful sugars and preservatives.

“It would make you wonder how the human race survived at all for so many years eating that muck,” she pointed out again to her husband, who suffers from hearing loss on occasion, usually during diets. “I can feel myself getting toned already. Might try the smoked salmon and Philadelphia tomorrow, as a treat,” she said, before adding “I haven’t once thought about cakes or sweets at all day.”

Bombarded by TV adverts for calorie ridden products, Mrs. Enright stared down at the remainder of her Ryvita concoction, ignoring her inner screams of torment, before forcing the last of it in her mouth.

“I suppose there’s no harm in having one chocolate biscuit for tea later?” she half-arsedly asked her husband, unaware of his lack of reply. “No point in being totally miserable. Sure, you only live once!”