Government Can’t Be Arsed With This Halawa Lad, Have Election To Win


THE GOVERNMENT has confirmed that despite the trial of Ibrahim Halawa been delayed yet again, this time until December, they honestly couldn’t be arsed offering meaningful assistance to an Irish citizen facing the death penalty as they have an election to win.

“In fairness the faith of our pensions and their respective bulk are our priorities now, did you know you get more the longer you’re a TD?” an unnamed minister informed WWN in response to claims that the Government are simply not putting enough diplomatic pressure on Egypt while Halawa has spent 2 years in prison awaiting trial.

Minister for Foreign Affairs, Charlie Flanagan has said he is keeping in touch with his Egyptian counterpart in relation to the matter, but it is expected the Government’s focus will be taken up entirely by trying to nail the perfect election slogan.

“Fucking hell, you media lads are always on about him, do you have any fucking idea the stress we’re under here trying to sort out a snap election? As if we have the time to get an Irish citizen out of a jail cell in Egypt,” explained a Government spokesman, “anyway, we export a fair amount to Egypt, we can’t be putting that at risk for just one fella”.

“We’ve posters to print up, the effort required to get candidates to pose in such a way as not to come off like soulless leeches…that’s a week’s work and you want us swanning off to Eygpt. You lot need your heads’ tested,” the spokesman added.