5 Alternatives To An Post


WITH the latest IO Systems strike directly affecting An Post’s ability to deliver post, millions of people across the country this week have been left without the means to send post, so we have put together some alternative ways to send that letter or parcel.

1) Carrier Llama 


Probably the most obvious option; a carrier Llama is Ireland’s second favourite way to deliver post. Llamas are fantastic at directions and only need to see a postcode once when delivering items thanks to an internal navigation system built into their frontal lobes. Much like the out-dated carrier pigeons, which were banned in 2003 over terrorism fears, Llamas can cover vast distances in a short space of time, delivering 98% of cargo to its destination in under 24 hours (Ireland only, as Llamas don’t deliver to the six counties). NOTE: Most carrier Llamas rely on financial tips or carrots so don’t forget.

2) Hitch-Posting


Hitch-posting has been a long tradition in Ireland where people flag-down motorists travelling on main roads asking them to drop off a letter or a parcel for them in the next town or city over. This can be quite effective in the short term, but not advised for businesses with important post to deliver. Bus and taxi-drivers are probably the best option for the latter, followed by people driving Nissan Micras. Hitch-posting has a delivery success rate of 76%, so make sure you can trust the driver – take a picture of their licence or registration plate to avoid lost post.

3) Calling Joe Duffy’s Liveline


For complaint letters only, this handy alternative is a favourite among Dublin residents and can also be more effective than actually posting the letter through regular means. Calling, emailing or texting the radio program with a problem or complaint is very easy, but can sometimes involve the whole country in the process. We would advise using a different name when contacting the show, or using an elderly relative as a proxy contact to get to the top of the queue. NOTE: Joe cannot deliver dole cheques.

4) The Macarena


Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena. Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegria cosa buena. Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena. Hey Macarena! Ay! Now don’t you worry about my boyfriend, the boy whose name is Vitorino. Ha! I don’t want him, can’t stand him’ He was no good so I, ha ha ha. Delivery times vary with this one and can take up to 28 days.

5) Message In A Bottle


Definitely the most unreliable on our list. However, shoving a written message in a bottle can have its advantages. Do you have parking-fines, court-fines, overdue utility bills to pay? Perfect. Shove a postal order in a bottle addressed to your local utility provider, county council, using this easily excusable postal mathod. “Oh, you didn’t recieve it? Must have gotten lost in the postal alternative I used.”

You’re welcome.