FUTUREWATCH: Ireland’s Obesity Crisis 2030

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IN the latest of WWN’s groundbreaking FUTUREWATCH series, we cast our futuristic eyes forward to the Ireland of 2030 which is in the grip of an obesity crisis:

As predicted by experts everywhere, by 2030 Ireland has descended into a fatty utopia where every Irish citizen is free to load up on sugar before keeling over before they hit 50 after a sustained binge of obese opulence.

The HSE, now largely privatised, is making a fortune from liposuction procedures, but with the surgery now relatively affordable, the money is made on the black market selling excess fat to developing nations to be used as insulation in housing projects.

Leading scientists are still baffled by the fact that 70% of the Irish population’s blood type are now chocolate, which creates an ever increasing problem with cannibalism as many children hunt morbidly obese adults and gorge on their chocolaty bodies.

The Government, realising how critical the problem is, send the army to enforce a barricade around the country’s takeaways but the policy fails miserably as the army in 2030, much like the army of today, is largely overweight and it doesn’t take long for the army to abandon its post in favour of purchasing eight family meal for one.

Further problems are incurred as the price of things like Ben & Jerry’s and Dominos reach all time lows of 25 cent, whereas healthy foods such as an apple or avacado hit record highs of €4,000 per kilo.

Ireland is nearly bankrupted by a rising health bill, but there is no bigger drain on resources than the huge engineering task of keeping the country afloat.

The sheer weight of the entire population being morbidly obese means Ireland is slowly sinking, meaning the world’s top engineers are constantly at work to reclaim Ireland from the sea.

The construction sector soars as most people need to replace the tiny doors in their homes and offices in favour of 3 metre wide modern doors, the installation of escalators and travelators everywhere also helps the industry to record profits.

If you have the misfortune of being under 25 stone, the Ireland of 2030 is a cold and ruthless place as many slim and healthy people suffer oppression at the ends of the obese elite which try to force feed them in an attempt to help them fit in.

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