The WWN Guide To Casting Your Vote On Friday

WITH the marriage equality referendum right around the corner, WWN have compiled a list of simple rules and guidelines to help you cast your vote on Friday! Now they may seem obvious, but they must be adhered to in order to make sure you have your say.

1) Don’t forget your polling card!

You should have received your polling card in the post, so don’t forget to bring it with you! If you didn’t receive a card because you registered late, or you’re on the supplementary register, you can still vote; it’s just a bit quicker and easier if you have your card.

2) What do you mean, you didn’t register?

Wait, you didn’t register? Like, at all? Even a late registration? Are you serious? So let’s get this straight, you’re not registered to vote on Friday, in the most important referendum of a generation? Unbelievable. Fucking unbe-fucking-lievable.

3) Nice job, asshole.

Seriously, you were warned that you had to register. There were campaigns online! There was lads canvassing on the streets! We saw you post on Facebook, “Don’t forget to check the register!”…. and you didn’t even take five minutes to do it yourself. Typical. That is TYPICAL of you. That is you in a nutshell. That is just…. if someone asked us to describe you, we would say THIS. This is the kind of shit you do you fucking donkey!

4) It’s too late now, you know.

There’s nothing you can do now, so stop looking it up online. It’s over. You’ve ruined it. You had all the time in the world to register but you spent it looking up porn and pulling the stomach off yourself. All that big talk about how you were all for marriage equality? USELESS. Not worth a fuck now. Bravo, wonderful. You’ve fucking excelled yourself.

5) I’m not telling the gays. You tell them.

Yeah, someone has to break this to the gays and it’s not going to be us. That’s all on you. Look at them there, the poor fuckers haven’t slept in months; in months! They need every vote they can get on Friday, and you just “forgot” to register. What will you say to them on Saturday if the No vote wins, and they’re going around with big sad gay heads on them? Give us a call when you break the news to them, because we want to be there to see that. We want to be there when you put your hand up and say, it was me. I ruined your gay dreams. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

TYPICAL!