Gorey Sheep Shearing Championships Rocked By Doping Scandal



While rumours about cheating in the competitive world of sheep shearing had been around for years not even the most hardened of cynics could have predicted the scale of doping revealed today.

The Gorey Sheep Shearing Championships have long been a fixture of the professional sheep shearing circuit with many competitors coming from as far flung places as ‘Carlow’ and ‘Sligo’, but the once prestigious event has some reputation repairing to do following fresh allegations of doping at the event.

The championships see competitors awarded for how quick they shears their sheep as well as finesse and extra points for any designs they wish to add.

“We all knew it was coming, but I didn’t expect it to be Sir Bartholomew Fluffington,” shared Irish Times sheep shearing correspondent Enda Butt.

Sir Bartholomew Fluffington is sheep with the most sheep shearing championship wins ever, standing at 5 wins.

Fluffington along with his owner John Thornley were found to be using a performance enhancing drug known in shearing circles as ‘Shed’. The drug 20 times more powerful than nandrolone, leaves the user with a seemingly thick coat that’s easily sheared by the owner.

Many suspected Fluffington and Thornley of Shed use for years following a number of breathtaking results, including this year’s shearing which say a near perfect replica of Leonardo Di Vinci’s ‘The Last Supper’ etched into the tight coat of Fluffington.

“Today marks a sad day in the sport, but we must look forward and hope that honest, non-shed using shearers will continue to compete and we didn’t even get around to talking about these genetically modified sheep, the language they used to describe the judges was shocking,” shared lifelong shearing fan Willy Morris Tynan.

While today’s scandal is the biggest to hit the championships it is no stranger to controversy as in 1991 judges mistakenly named Felix, a hairless siamese cat, the overall winner of the competition.