Taoiseach To Talk To Merkel About Bank Debt Today And Be Told ‘No’

Ireland’s leader An Taoiseach Enda Kenny is set to talk to German Chancellor Angela Merkel today, using the EPP meeting in Dublin as the perfect backdrop for a conversation about the restructuring of the State’s banking debt.

In this private more informal setting the Taoiseach will try to use all of his political acumen and charm to force Chancellor Merkel’s hand, ultimately hoping for some reprieve for the taxpayer who has born the brunt of the banking sector’s collapse in Ireland following the bank guarantee of 2008.

It is rumoured that the Taoiseach has personally decorated the room in which the meeting is set to take place, placing several pictures of innocent and adorable ginger children crying on the walls.

A number of winning Irish Eurovision entries are expected to soundtrack the meeting in an attempt to push past ‘hard politics’ and expose the German leader’s softer side.

The Taoiseach is also expected to present Chancellor Merkel with 26 gifts with each one representative of the counties in the Irish Republic. He will then read a moving poem specially written for the occasion by President Michael D. Higgins entitled ‘Angela, your hair as soft as snow’.

Following this well thought out and intelligent strategy being executed the Taoiseach will be told ‘No’ by Chancellor Merkel some 2 seconds after the Taoiseach finishes his opening sentence.