28 Ministers Confirm They’re Leaving On Paddy’s Day To ‘Avoid The Carnage’


When news broke yesterday that 28 government ministers would be spending St. Patrick’s Day abroad, it was originally thought they would do so in the name of promoting Ireland and its economy. WWN can exclusively reveal that this is not the case.

Using our extensive contacts within Leinster House WWN discovered a great number of ministers have confessed they petitioned hard to leave the country on St. Patrick’s Day in order to avoid the well documented civil disorder prevalent on the 17th of March.

“I asked if there were any trade missions to go on, Egypt, Syria, Somalia I wasn’t fussy. I just want to avoid the carnage, you know?” one unnamed minister is reported to have said.

“I think the public knows we don’t get in the door of other countries based on it being Paddy’s Day anymore, we can do business at any time of the year. But, there isn’t a hope in hell I’m staying in Dublin to watch some teenagers bump Uglies and send each other to A and E,” a prominent government minister told WWN.

While some observe St. Patrick’s Day would be a perfect day to confront the problem alcohol poses in Ireland with some €3.7 billion spent every year on alcohol abuse associated costs, the Government has confirmed it just could not be arsed.

“Paddy’s Day in various locations, plays out like some deleted scene from the movie Armageddon, so naturally we as ministers would seek to skip town for that day. If we can parlay that into be being wined and dined abroad, happy days,” concluded a junior minister.

With a total of 28 ministers leaving for foreign soil the public is left asking ‘who will be in charge of running the country in their absence?’

“Jesus, good question,” responded a Fine Gael minister, “Eh, I suppose Billy can do it. He does a fine job of keeping the grounds of Leinster House clean and tidy,” concluded the minister.