At 9.30pm this Sunday evening Taoiseach Enda Kenny will address the nation on television. Speech writers have spent the last week carefully crafting a nuanced and sympathetic address that hits all the right notes with the public.
Similarly the Taoiseach’s family have put exceptional effort into not being around the house when the speech is beamed into the country’s living rooms.
Although the Taoiseach gave them several week’s notice as to the exact date and time of the speech his immediate family have still managed to come up with airtight excuses for not watching it.
“Ah, you know I’d love to watch Enda, love,” began his wife Fionnuala’s carefully constructed lie, “but sure I’m down to play bridge with the girls, you remember I said it to you? No? Well, I did. Sorry love, really I am. Look it, haven’t ya the whole nation watching anyway, you don’t need me”.
The Taoiseach’s daughter Aoibhinn had a similar plausible lie to tell her father. “Oh, I’m heading over to Deridre’s to watch it, you know all the girls are getting together to watch. They wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said delivering an Oscar worthy performance.
Aoibhinn and her friends had planned for weeks to watch the X-factor final along with the Xtra Factor which unfortunately clashes with her father’s speech.
The Taoiseach’s two sons, Ferdia and Naoise, found it harder to find an appropriate excuse. “Can, we, eh, watch it, eh by ourselves Dad? We, like, want to pay attention obviously and with you there it’s tough you know? You’re always saying ‘watch this bit’, ‘listen to how great I sound here’. It’s distracting you know?”
The Taoiseach was understandably crushed, but hid it well, unlike the nation itself.
Rumours that the Taoiseach’s speech will be ‘jazzed’ up with dancers and pyrotechnics are at this point unconfirmed.