Nearly Half a Million Irish Celebrate Double Dole Week


NEARLY five hundred thousand unemployed people in Ireland are celebrating their double dole payments this week in what is set to be the biggest pre-Christmas piss up the country has ever seen.

Publicans from all around the country have reported a large increase in drink sales since yesterday afternoon and expect the boom to continue right into the early part of next week.

Social welfare claimants are given two weeks pay due to post offices closing for the Christmas holiday period. Recipients will also collect one payment next week, but will not receive anything again until the new year.

“I’m off straight to the pub now to meet the lads.” said unemployed Waterford man Martin Shields. “I’ll be broke for two weeks but sure we might as well make the best out of it while we can. ”

It is expected that the majority of social welfare payments will be spent before Christmas day, leaving many unemployed people borrowing money for the New Years eve session.

“I’ll probably get a loan off one of me mates that’s home from Australia.” said one man. “Then I’ll just avoid paying him back until he fucks off again.”

The Minister for social and family affairs, warned welfare claimants to ‘take it easy’ on the double dole payment this week and not to spend it all in the one pub: “People should spend their money in a variety of different pubs. This is better for our economy in the long run.”

Thousands of mature students also welcomed the double payment this week, but insisted it was alright for them to piss their money against the wall as they have been studying hard over the past few months.

Business student Barry Holden told WWN that being unemployed and milking the back to education scheme are two different things, and that drinking is part of a student’s curriculum.

“I get me back to education and work 30 hours a week. I’m minted. But that’s because I work hard educating meself.”

“Now I’m going to play hard for the next three weeks. YEEEEE HAAAAAWW!!” he added.