Local Man Asked To Stop Comparing Every Sport To Hurling

WATERFORD man William Shannon has been begged by his family and friends to just try and enjoy sports that aren’t hurling, without griping about how the athletes and competitors aren’t as hardy as hurlers, or how the action is slow-paced compared to a hotly contested All-Ireland quarter-final where there’s ‘sliotairs getting leathered around the place’…. Read more »

Alan Keys Sues Ikea

WATERFORD man Alan Keys is confident of a massive payout from Swedish furniture giants Ikea, after launching a copyright infringement against them relating to their use of a tool which he claims was named after him. Keys, 35, is seeking a €4bn settlement from Ikea, which he states is back-pay for their use of ‘Allen… Read more »

‘All Rail Conditions Are Adverse Rail Conditions’ State Irish Rail

IRISH Rail are to take full advantage of the slight change in weather as Autumn rolls in by implementing a series of completely random stoppages, delays and service shortages, all housed under the ‘adverse rail conditions’ banner. Passengers on anywhere-bound services have already gotten themselves used to tannoy announcements declaring that their train has been… Read more »

BREAKING: Population Of Wexford Voted World’s Sexiest People

THE entire county and population of Wexford has been voted the planet’s sexiest town and people in a poll published this morning, WWN can confirm. People of Wexford stole a large majority of the votes from some of the world’s biggest contenders, including Summer Bay in Australia, Love Island in Spain somewhere and loads of… Read more »

“Dinner? Fucking Amateur!” Lowry Slams Denis Naughten

IRISH independent politician Michael Lowry has today slammed former Communications Minister Denis Naughten for controversially meeting with a businessman about a lucrative government broadband contract without publicly disclosing the meetings. Speaking with his mouth, Mr Lowry said he was disgusted at the level of amateurism shown by Naughten throughout the rural broadband controversy, where the former communications minister… Read more »