TRYING his best not to look overly frightened or scared, car passenger and human travelling at 110kmh, Dermot Williams, gave one word replies to motorist and friend James Woods as he casually took yet another bend slightly over the dividing white line.
“She’s a nippy little yoke,” exclaimed the son-of-two, as his anus unclenched in celebration of still being alive, “jaysis, you must know these roads like the back of your hand, Jimpie, the speed you do be going”.
With his eyes transfixed on the now blurry fast approaching country road, Williams continued to brave face his friends questionable driving skills as the learner driver casually gave out about the amount of lunatics he constantly meets on the road.
“I was coming around this bend here one time and nearly slapped into a tractor pulling silage,” Woods recalled, as he dropped her into third to overtake a cyclist on said bend while glancing over at his nervous passenger, “would you think he’d pull over? Nah, they don’t give a fuck sure, kept going like I was a bluebottle coming at him. Ended up in the ditch I did then, and who’d be at fault then if we crashed? Fucking farmers boy, I tell ya. This county’s a joke”.
“You must fly through petrol,” Williams pointed out, hoping his friend doesn’t make him dead while he white knuckled the hand rail over his door, “sure, we’ll be home before we know it at this rate,” he added, trying to convince himself.
Exhaling a sigh of relief as their destination arrived, Dermot Williams secretly thanked the God he had up-until-now forgotten, before turning to his friend: “that wasn’t too bad now… sure we flew in the road”.