Failing All Your Mocks ‘Nothing To Worry About’, Students Told

WITH the mock exam season in full swing across the country, Leaving Cert students are being assured that a failure at this stage should be taken as no indication that they will fail the same exam in less than three months time.

Although some schools are still holding mock exams for both Leaving and Junior cycle students at the moment, many have already taken place with less than favourable results being handed out to pupils.

However, as is customary at this time, platitudes such as ‘ah sure you’ll be grand’ and ‘I failed my mocks but did alright in the real Leaving’ have already started to fly, helping lesser students realise that even though they’re critically under-prepared for their exams right now, some sort of magic will happen in the next twelve weeks and everything will work out, somehow.

“Okay, so here we see an underachieving student presenting his terrible results to his friends, and here we see them assure him that no more work needs to be done between now and his actual Leaving,” said Aaron Flanley, headmaster at Waterford Secondary, pointing out some students to us on a CCTV monitor.

“And there they all go, snapchatting dick pics or whatever kids do these days. No need for study, no need for grinds. It’s amazing. I can’t wait for the results in August, when this is all my fault, somehow”.

Meanwhile, a subsequent survey revealed that 90% of people who ‘failed their mocks but did grand in the Leaving’ received Leaving results that were admittedly better than their mocks results, but not necessarily good results in their own right.