Tuesday Pints: How One Man Cracked The Holy Grail

THEY SAID it was undoable, they said it was foolish to even attempt it, but one man stared them in the face and said ‘no’.

‘No, I refuse to believe that it can’t be done’.

‘No, I will not just sit here and watch the telly all night.

I am a man, a man that loves pints, and even though it’s a Tuesday and I have work in the morning and I really have no excuse for going to the pub, God dammit, I am going to the pub’.

‘I am going for Tuesday pints’.

That was the mantra of Waterford man Padraig Kinelly, currently nursing a rare Wednesday hangover after heading out to his local pub last night for Tuesday pints.

Despite protestations from his wife Anne about how ‘it’s only fucking Tuesday’ and ignoring the fact that none of his regular drinking pals would be anywhere near the place, Kinelly went out and drank pints as if it was the weekend, before arriving home at about half 12.

Tuesday pints, long regarded as the ‘holy grail’ of pints, were previously deemed unworkable due to the lack of reasons one has for heading out on a session on Tuesdays.

“You’ve got your weekend pints, Friday, Saturday, Sunday; those are your staple pints,” explained Dr. Richard Gannon, pint expert.

“Monday pints, you could swing if you’d had a rough start to the week. Thursday pints, they can be justified if they’re ‘after work’ pints or college pints with friends who go home for the weekend. And Wednesdays, you can normally swing a ‘hump day’ pint or two. But Tuesdays? Best of luck justifying that without admitting to yourself that you have a drinking problem”.

Although Kinelly admitted that his Tuesday pints were very nice idea indeed, finding out that the Chinese on the way home shuts at 11pm on weekdays robbed him of the spice-bag that he had been hoping for, ruining the overall experience a bit.