Government’s McCabe Story More Convoluted Than Plot Of Interstellar

WITH more convoluted and labyrinthine turns and contradictions than a Christopher Nolan movie on steroids, the public has been forced to issue an appeal for clarity from the government.

“Trying to keep up with their bullshit is harder to follow than the plot to Interstellar. Just fucking tell us what you really mean,” one Dublin man shared, who spent the entire night reading up on the fallout relating to a smear campaign against whistleblower Maurice McCabe and the various contradictory accounts given by the Tánaiste, the Taoiseach and Minister Katherine Zappone.

“Gravitational singularities and Matthew McConaughey, I can understand. But if Kenny knew what Zappone knew while the Tánaiste also knew, how do none of them know what anyone knew?” another member of the public asked while pulling at their hair, presumably going mad.

Many members of the public complained of headaches after attempts to ascertain the truth through interpreting the utterances of government representatives.

“I haven’t slept in 36 hours. I’m trying to understand what the fuck is going on, really I am, all I’ve done is read up on this stuff but it’s no clearer what the government is on about. Does anyone have like, a DVD director’s commentary for this shit,” added another man in a direct appeal to the government to actually make cogent sense.

The government will be given a chance to avoid explaining itself further in the Dáil in the coming days as Fianna Fáil confirmed they will continue their support of the Fine Gael led minority coalition.

“This government has been very forthright and honest about how we’re all contradicting each other,” the Taoiseach confirmed in an early morning address to the media, “we can confirm we’ve no plans to communicate inter-dimensionally but will do so if it helps to obscure and complicate things further,” he added.