Government ‘Confident’ It Has No Confidence In Itself


THE Government has today tabled a motion of no confidence in itself following the fallout from a scandal related to former Garda whistleblower Maurice McCabe, WWN can reveal.

Speaking outside Leinster House, Taoiseach Enda Kenny confirmed to reporters that his government is 100% unsure of itself, and hasn’t a ‘fecking clue’ what to do now following a series of ‘he said, she said’ statements from fellow cibinet and Fine Gael members.

“We’re that out of touch that we can’t even get our own stories straight,” Mr. Kenny opened up to reporters, ripping up a scripted speech his writing team pre prepared, “I’ve had to table a motion of no confidence in ourselves as no one here seems to remember anything anymore, everyone has either got amnesia or some form of short term memory loss”.

The Taoiseach’s statement comes after an eventful day in the Dáil, which also saw Sinn Féin publish a motion of no confidence in the year old alliance, calling on the Taoiseach and all the Cabinet ministers to resign.

“Oh my beautiful God, we might finally have a chance at Government this time,” Sinn Féin deputy leader Mary Lou McDonald blurted out with excitement, adding, “none of this would be happening if Sinn Féin were in charge; we always keep our stories straight no matter what kind of horrible circumstance it may be. We’re all over this covering up craic – these guys are amateurs”.