Cabinet Meet To Discuss What They’re Currently Fucking Up

CONVENING before the first Dáil session of 2017, the current government cabinet are set to meet and discuss all ongoing fuck ups, cock ups, complete shitstorms and colossal clusterfucks. The meeting is expected to last several months, which risks delaying the first sitting on the Dáil, angering opposition TDs.

“This is completely unfair, do you know how long I was conserving my voice just so I can’t shout down anything they say,” confirmed opposition TD and Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin.

“No, actually I’ve been practicing my shouting,” countered Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams.

Were the cabinet meeting to go on longer than expected, it could be March until TDs are given the chance to shout over one another in an effort to appear like they are actually doing something constructive.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny is expected to bring up ongoing issues facing the country such as the economy, housing problems, health service problems, Fine Gael and an underlying sense that the country will never get any better.

It is rumoured that a number of government ministers are reluctant to attend the meeting for fear they will have to explain why it appears they haven’t a clue as to how to solve any of the problems facing the country.

“Oh yeah, right, that’s probably because I’ve no idea how to solve any of this,” said one unnamed government minister hiding in a corner of Leinster House, hoping he wouldn’t be spotted by anyone.