PREMIER league footballers have candidly admitted for the first time that although their primary aim during a match is to maintain possession of the ball and mount an attack that will lead to the scoring of a goal, what they would really like to do is just blast Chelsea captain John Terry directly in the face with the ball as hard as they can.
Players for each of the 19 non-Chelsea teams in the division made the admissions during interviews conducted over the course of the first half of the season, citing the fact that while deliberately and repeatedly smashing someone in the face with the ball from a short distance is unlikely to help them win the game they’re playing, it ‘isn’t technically against the rules’.
Terry was named the footballer who other players would most like to see take a Nike 12-panel directly to the face, citing his ‘general unlikeability’ and ‘endlessly smackable face’ as contributing reasons.
“When I’m taking a free kick on the edge of the penalty box and if John Terry is in the wall, man, it’s really hard to focus on scoring,” said one player we spoke to.
“I’m thinking, should I try to curl the ball into the top corner of the net? It would help my team win the game, get us the three points, move us up the table… but then again, if I were to just blast John Terry directly in the face, I’d have at least blasted John Terry directly in the face”.
As well as every opposing player in the Premier league, some of Terry’s own team-mates have also admitted that once, just one, maybe not during a match, maybe just during training, the thoughts of smashing him in the face with the ball as hard as they can has cropped into their heads.