Gerry Adams Diagnosed With Selective Alzheimers

EXPERTS in neuroscience have diagnosed Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams with a new form of Alzheimer’s, which causes the victim to lose huge chunks of memory, usually relating to the same subject.

Although Alzheimer’s patients normally experience a gradual loss of memory from across their whole life, the newly-named ‘Adams Disease’ causes the sufferer to have zero recollection about one particular topic, no matter how much experience they had with it over the years.

While Gerry Adams has endured years of being accused of hiding the truth about his involvement in the armed Republican movement, the whereabouts of ‘The Disappeared’, and dozens of murders committed in the name of ‘a free Ireland’, this new information has led many to call for Adams to be left alone due to his illness.

“The man is ill, would youse quit badgering him about the ‘Ra,” said Dr. Harold Jennings, who pioneered the research into the diagnosis of Adams Disease.

“For years he says that he doesn’t remember things like that, and for years people have called him a liar… but this new research shows that he truly doesn’t remember anything about paramilitary activity, blacked out vans, deaths, things like that. You can ask him all you want, but it’s just not in that head of his. It’s like thinking a lad in a wheelchair will climb a ladder, if you ask him enough times”.

Adams himself has come out and denied having Adams Disease, which Dr. Jennings describes as being ‘classic Adams Disease behaviour’.