Government Proposes Renaming NAMA

A RADICAL shake up is in store for NAMA in the wake of an audit, which suggests it undersold a Northern Irish property portfolio by as much as €220 million to an American private equity firm.

“We haven’t decided on a new name yet, but we’ll give it a cool one, maybe include an emoji,” Taoiseach Enda Kenny confirmed to reporters, “you know, like Anglo and IBRC, only catchier,” the Taoiseach added, clearly trying to come up with ideas for a new name on the spot.

The government had previously been accused by a number of opposition TDs of burying their head in the sand when it came to the controversial sale of the Project Eagle property portfolio to Cerberus.

However, those critical of the government have been left red-faced after the Fine Gael led government confirmed a massive name overhaul of NAMA would be undertaken to ensure the name NAMA and all the dysfunction associated with it would disappear.

“See, problem solved. NAMA Nua, NAMADAMADINGDONG, Definitely Not The NAMA You’ve Been Reading About in The Papers, Look a Distraction, the naming possibilities are endless, but suffice to say the new name will clear everything up, there’s no need for any further investigations or inquiries,” the Taoiseach confirmed, while confessing he needed this news like a hole in the head.

The name change is expected to distract from the fact that NAMA will continue to sell assets belonging to the taxpayer while the Comptroller and Auditor General’s report into NAMA highlighted significant flaws in their sale’s process.

It is rumoured the name change will cost the taxpayer €400 million, and will be overseen by a friend of your man, who was head of that thing, and is Godfather to that fella’s eldest.