THE debilitating anxiety issues that have plagued one Waterford man for most of his adult life were completely cured yesterday, after a close acquaintance told him to “quit being so dramatic” in just the right tone of voice.
Andrew Gahon, 36, had struggled with anxiety disorders since his teens, and frequently fell victim to frightening panic attacks brought on by a feeling of helplessness and dread when facing a range of situations that other people might never worry about.
The Dungarvan native was worried that opening up to his friend Mark Sutton would be a waste of time, but he was proved wrong when Sutton’s inspired “ah would you get over yourself” speech instantly cleared him of all his social phobias and compulsions.
“Yeah, not everyone has a friend like me,” beamed Sutton, proud that his take-no-shit response to Gahon’s sombre plea for help had been just what was needed to cure two decades of heartbreak.
“I don’t know much about anxiety, but what he was saying sure sounded like a lot of excuses to not go out on the drink every weekend. So I told him to man up, get a few pints into himself and maybe get a ride or two under his belt. Socialising is the best part of the week for me, so I can’t see why some people don’t enjoy it. Relax! So I told him everything would be grand and to stop worrying. And it seems to have worked”.
Several anxiety disorder specialists have confirmed that yes, not everyone has a friend like Sutton.