US Scientists Hail Breakthrough With New Bulletproof Children

A GROUP of scientists at MIT in America have been congratulated by everyone from the NRA to President Barack Obama after managing to find the key to bulletproofing children.

“See, we told you guns weren’t the problem,” vice-chairman of the NRA, Wayne Lapierre stated, hailing the scientists achievements who successfully synthesised Kevlar, which is used in bulletproof vests, with several human embryos.

America’s need for more structurally resilient children has been obvious in recent years due to the number of gun related deaths, and this need prompted the beginning of the research in the early 90s, with the first major breakthrough in the research coming in recent weeks.

“We’re delighted, but we’re not nearly as happy as the children who are the beneficiaries of this program,” a proud Dr. Joshua Strauss told the assembled media, before demonstrating just how the new technology works when mixed in with the children.

Raising a gun to the head of a nearby child, Dr. Strauss happily fired off multiple rounds with the bullets failing to pierce the skin of the child, much to everyone’s delight and amazement.

“Fucking awesome, right? We get to keep our guns and our children, finally we can have it all,” Dr. Strauss confirmed.

President Obama is expected to rush through emergency legislation which will see the Kevlar insertion into embryos mandatory for all future American citizens.